It seems we’ve arrived.
I’ve been waiting….wondering if my mellow-even-tempered-gentleman of a son might magically skip over the quintessential tantrums and preserve our dying sanity.
But no.
He’s decided to try crazy on for size and just like his hand-me-down Buster Posey shirt – he’s not taking it off.
I’ve seen other kids with the colossal emotions roaring out of them. I’ve skimmed the articles – read the research -recognized this “perfectly normal” developmental phase.
I armed myself with patience & understanding – prepared to help him feel secure in his place in our family. Secure in my arms. Prepared to guide him through the feelings with gentleness.
But in the middle of meltdown madness I just want to yell “grow up! pull yourself together! don’t be a baby! I don’t have time for this! etc., etc., etc….”
Being in it….in the trenches with this demanding dictator I want to scream “look who’s crazy now!!!” at him like the lunatic he is – run in my room and slam the door in my own explosive toddler tantrum.
I see the regression, of course. I see how he wants to be the baby. Suddenly, unable to do the things that he has been proudly (and insistently) doing himself for months.
I see his fear – that he’s no longer the center of our world. How the ever-growing baby sister naturally demands more of our time.
I see that he is exploring boundaries, pushing buttons and dabbling in destruction to see what sort of reactions he’ll receive. I see it. I understand it.
But at my fraying end….it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. As my husband and I dart those “what the f. have we done?!?” glances across the room I want to quit.
I want to match the aggression he’s throwing at me. Punch for punch.
And yet. I can’t…
I have to dig deeper than I ever have – to gather the crumbs of my sanity and continue to give to him.
Continue to show up and stand by him.
I’m parenting for the long term – the long haul. For a little boy that is growing into a man.
I want to stand in his corner so he can learn to trust the steadiness of love.
I want to have his back now – so that when the stakes are higher and the challenges are greater he knows he can count on me.
Which means, that in these heated moments where I’m having an argument about agreeing to wear the orange shirt – I have to find love.
I have to pull him close, wrap my arms around him and squeeze in tight.
And in that moment some kind of magic happens.
It immediately lets him know – “Hey, I’m here for you – I see that you are upset”.
It also gives me space to let my own emotions cool – to return & remember the man he’s growing up to be before my very eyes.
And for another moment – I can give my calm. I can weather the storm beside him.
At the end of it – when our muscles have lost their tension and we ease into that familiar snuggle – we are both stronger.
We made it through.
My favorite part is the affirmation that we can handle it.
We can get through the next one – which is conveniently scheduled for “just before mom takes her first bite of the only meal she’s eaten all day”.
I hope you’ll join us.
